When it’s hard to access grace
Jack Miller was a pastor who had a big influence on me. One of his books titled: “Come Back Barbara” is the story of one of his daughters. She became the girl friend of a drug dealer and was all around town wearing minks, riding in a green Jag and living a blatantly sinful life. The book tells how at a certain point Jack and his wife Rose Marie sat down and spent some time thinking about who they were in Jesus Christ and who Jesus was to them. And they forgave their daughter Barbara for the humiliation and embarrassment she was causing them.
Sometimes parents going through similar struggles would tell Jack, “Your book didn’t help me because I’ve tried but I cannot forgive my rebellious child for the pain that child has caused me.” Sometimes they would say, “You just must be more spiritual than me”. But Jack said: They missed the point. What had enabled Jack to forgive his daughter was an honest look at his own heart. Through prayerful self-examination he had come to understand that the way he measured himself was by being a good father and pastor. His reputation had actually become an idol in his life. His daughter’s rebellion, which was sinful and sad, had an effect way beyond that. He realized that in his mind he had been thinking, “You know I’m a pretty good person because I am a good father and pastor. I’ve raised my children well and look at how many of them have turned out great.” When one of them turned out bad it tore apart what had become the source of his life and happiness. What he had to say in effect was “Lord, I see now that the reason I am so angry at Barbara is because my reputation as a father has become too important to me. It has become an idol in my life, I give that up, I’m sorry. You are my only true source of life and righteousness.” Only by deeply looking at his heart, renouncing his inward idolatry and reaffirming Christ as the source and center of his life was he set free to truly forgive his daughter from the heart. Parents who read the book and tried to just forgive their rebellious children but couldn’t, didn’t understand that the key to that kind of forgiveness was to repent of their own idolatry that had been attacked by their child’s rebellion. Only through sincere repentance and faith were they humbled enough by their own sins and empowered enough by the gospel to truly and freely forgive from the heart. Jonah 2:8 says: “Those who cling to worthless idols, forfeit the grace that could be theirs.” I think sometimes the reason we do not find the freedom and fullness we seek in grace is because we are actually clinging to idols that we need to renounce. We are tempted to think “grace isn’t working for me” but the problem is we’re skipping the essential issue of dealing with our idols as part of turning back to God and taking hold of grace.
Larry is the senior pastor at 
